Learning to say no in leadership

As a leader, it can be tempting to say “yes” to every request that comes your way. After all, your job is to support and guide, and agreeing to various demands can seem like the most supportive thing you can do. However, the truth is that learning to say “no” is a necessary and valuable skill for any effective leader.

Firstly, saying “no” helps manage your time and energy. You likely have a lot on your plate and by saying “yes” to every request, you risk spreading yourself too thin, burning out, and becoming ineffective in your role.

Secondly, saying “no” can help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries. While being supportive and helpful is important, it’s critical to recognise that you can’t be everything to everyone. By setting boundaries and occasionally saying “no,” you demonstrate that you respect your own time and needs.

Finally, saying “no” can help build trust and respect. This may seem counterintuitive – we often have a fear people will be disappointed if we say no - but the truth is that people tend to respect leaders who are decisive, honest, and transparent. By explaining your reasons for saying “no” and offering alternative solutions, you show you are thoughtful and intentional in your decision-making.

Why Leaders Struggle to Say No

There are several common reasons why it’s hard to say no:

• Fear of disappointing others: you feel responsible for your team's success and welfare and worry that saying no might let others down, or place too much of a burden on them.

• Fear of missing out: you worry that turning down an opportunity means missing out on something important, so you try to absorb more (this is especially the case with attending meetings).

• People-pleasing: you feel you’ve risen to your position partly due to your ability to be helpful and accommodating, which has established a continuous cycle you can’t get out of.

• Overconfidence in capacity: you overestimate how much you can take on, leading to overcommitment and excessive workload.

• Difficulty prioritising: you think everything’s important, so you can’t decide what to say no to, or stop doing.

Time for Self-Reflection

Ask yourself the following questions, and really take the time to consider the true answers:

1.      What are the potential consequences of always saying yes?

2.      How might saying no more often benefit your team and organisation?

3.      What personal values or priorities are you compromising by saying yes too frequently?

4.      What would your ideal day look like if you had better boundaries?

5.      What's the worst that could happen if you say no to a request?

The Importance of Saying No

The reality is that saying no is not about being uncooperative or unhelpful. It's about:

• Maintaining Focus: By saying no to non-essential tasks, you can concentrate on what matters – making yourself more productive on the things that make the greatest difference.

• Enhancing Quality: When you're not spread too thin, the quality of your work improves.

• Building Resilience: Setting boundaries helps prevent burnout and wellbeing.

• Empowering Others: Saying no creates opportunities for team members to step up and grow – which won’t happen if you sweep in and do tasks for them.

10 Tips for Saying No Effectively

1.      Acknowledge the request: Show that you've considered the ask and appreciate being thought of.

2.      Be clear and direct: Avoid ambiguity. A clear 'no' is better than a vague 'maybe'.

3.      Explain your reasoning: Provide context for your decision without over-explaining.

4.      Offer alternatives: If possible, suggest other solutions or people who might help – show that whilst you’re not accepting the task, you want to help.

5.      Use 'I' statements: For example, "I have prior commitments" rather than "It can't be done".

6.      Be timely: Respond promptly rather than avoiding the conversation – prevent any latent negative issues.

7.      Practice empathy: Understand the other person's perspective and respond compassionately.

8.      Avoid over-apologising: While it's fine to express regret, don't undermine your decision with excessive apologies.

9.      End on a positive note: try to end your response with an alternative, as well as thanks for reaching out. Say you are willing to help in the future.

10.  Stand Firm: Once you've made your decision, stick to it unless circumstances significantly change.

Saying No to Different Groups

• To team members: be clear about your expectations and priorities, and use a coaching approach to help them problem-solve. Move into a leadership style that supports team members to come to you with solutions, not just problems.

• To peers: focus on mutual benefits and organisational goals and offer to help find alternative solutions. Be honest about your current commitments and capacity.

• To your manager: present the impact on current priorities and projects, suggest reprioritisation if necessary, and be prepared to offer data or evidence to support your decision.

For example: “I understand the importance of this request, however taking it on will impact our existing deadlines on X and y. Can we discuss which of our current projects to reprioritise so this request can be accommodated?”

Conclusion

As Steve Jobs once said, "It's only by saying 'no' that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."

Remember, every time you say no to something that doesn't align with your priorities, you're able to say yes to something that does. As a leader, your ability to make these choices wisely doesn't just benefit you – it sets the tone for your entire team and organisation.

So, the next time you're faced with a request or opportunity, pause. Consider your priorities, your capacity, and the potential impact of your decision. And if the answer is no, say it with confidence, clarity, and compassion. Your future self – and your team – will thank you for it.